Goals, On Paper or Heart

I’ve been up and down with energy and symptoms the past couple of weeks, so forgive my missed posts please; not the first or last for sure.

As many others, my days have been filled with concern and yes, at moments fear over Covina-19. Social distancing from those we love can be so very difficult…losing someone because we didn’t, more difficult. So we carry on. We’ve all been bombarded with this subject every day, so I will just end this part by saying, it is better to take it seriously, than to regret not doing so for the healthy and compromised,

Continuing from the last posts, I do have a month goal to see if I can improve my love hate relationship with prednisone…ugh! With my black coffee in hand, instead of cheating with yummy flavored creamer, I’ve decided to hit the healthy eating, low carb lifestyle once again. A few shy of 100 pounds ago I was very dedicated to this lifestyle for my health. When my health betrayed me again, I fell off the wagon. Between prednisone and other steroids, plus my anger over my new physical restrictions…well, here I am.

I’ve been faithful for almost a week and my body, my attitude at times wanted what was not best for me. Not this time! Really? Why do we sabotage ourselves on top of circumstances we can’t control. Especially being real with you will spur me on, but more than that, how can I complain about what I can’t control, if I don’t control what I can? Carbs cause inflammation, so my job is to lower that when I can.

Will it make a difference? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it will not be added guilt in my life. We have enough of that when we can not function normally. From paper goals to living them out in your heart, there must be a full commitment to achieve change, even if only for a small chance of hope. How will we know otherwise. I can complain or do. What truth do you need to face in your own life that will leap goals from paper to your heart! Let’s all get busy and feel free to keep me updated in comments.

Let’s Talk Prednisone

Prednisone, what a love hate relationship for those with chronic illness!

On my fourth cup of coffee, do not judge, I am curious if healthy individuals even realize how badly this medication effects our weight and sometimes mood, not to mention the risk of diabetes and bone loss. When you can’t function or breathe/swallow normally, you really don’t have a choice.

I have been on some dose of prednisone plus ER infusions of solumedrol for a year and 1/2. I gained 50 pounds within the first 3 months. Did I stop? No. Why? Because I want to feel I can breathe and not choke on my own spit. I have been able to go from 60 mg to 15 mg, but no less at this point. When an exacerbation hits, it is an infusion plus going back to 60 mg for a while.

The moon face and shoulder humps are wonderful as well! (Eyeroll) But, in the end I am grateful for these medications. They give some relief even if a price has to be paid.

My truth for today from my journey…Not many things that better our lives come without a price. Spiritual lives, healthy eating, meditation, organization…all of these require discipline and can draw criticism, but we pursue these things to improve our lives.

Nothing is truly free, but they can be truly worth the price. A saying I have heard many times is true, “If you hurt bad enough, you will do something about it,” and “The person who changes, is often the one who hurts then worst.” – authors unknown.

If you are hurting today, make a change for the better, even if it comes with a price.

Accepting and Expecting

The ups and downs of this journey can make you reach for ginger ale with its twist and turns. No coffee in hand tonight, since I do want to eventually sleep, these past few days have been filled with just about every emotion.

My great Saturday turned into another downward spiral, fortunately not too far down. When you get a taste of just how good you can feel and it just goes away…well….ask yourself how it would feel to get the flu every week. Every week there is life and every week it is interrupted by getting sick.

Is there worse? Is there better? Yes. It’s simply frustrating.

We left my battery pack for the scooter today. I needed to go into a store for some items I evidently thought only I could get (eye roll). No store scooters were available. So I decide to use the shopping cart as a walker. A short time latter, I’m checking out with my voice nearly gone, body shaking and my legs about to say goodbye. Honestly, those moments make me angry, but what do I expect? It’s nothing new and I’m not all of a sudden going to be different in the middle of a store!

Truth for today…accept the truth in your life. Does that mean we don’t strive to make things different? No. We just stress ourselves out denying reality. I should have given my husband a list the moment we couldn’t find a scooter. That’s on me. Expecting different when there is no basis for change can hurt worse than accepting and expecting opportunities for change.